What happens if we stay?

Like everybody else I have no idea which way the referendum vote will go and what will happen after. Still, plenty of politicians, campaigners and vested interests want to predict that socioeconomic armageddon or WWIII is just around the corner if their side doesn’t win and perhaps after all the recounts have been settled they may be right. One thing we probably can be sure of is that if we remain in the EU then immigration will remain a hot topic for Mail readers everywhere….and now I have a boring Friday train commute and time to kill.

On the 24th June the referendum vote is declared; Britain will remain in Europe. Immediately the trains, planes and ferries are full of wave after wave of unrestricted EU citizens moving to the UK. The tabloids screech invasion and Prime Minister Cameron resigns with a shrug at the bitter infighting which consumes the tories. Over the summer daily net immigration averages one hundred thousand and the Conservative government churns through Prime Ministers Johnson, Gove and Osborne. In the end the Queen, dissatisfied with her elected government and unaware she has an opposition bench, dissolves parliament and constitutes a plutocracy to be lead by a triumvirate of Johnson, Gove and Osborne. Most people don’t know what this means but seem quite happy to be governed by a wealthy elite, just like in the Downtown period of the early 20th century when folk knew their place.

By Christmas 2016 the UK population has reached 100 million. Living space and housing are now critical political issues for the ruling plutocracy. Radical new ideologies that intellectuals name communism and fascism threaten to take root. Having no innate imagination with which to find a solution the triumvirate turn to the private sector. A number of crackpot ideas are proposed such as building houses and a big moat to keep migrants out, however the final PPI contract is awarded to Richard Branson’s British Virgin Island One project.

British Virgin Island One is an ambitious engineering project to detach and elevate the British mainland from its current horizontal position to a vertical position perpendicular to the Earth’s crust. This would effectively turn Britain into a 600 mile high reinforced geological tower block and double the nations surface area, albeit on a vertical axis. Nicola Sturgeon campaigns for a new independence referendum to float Scotland into space.

The project provides a massive boost to the UK steel industry and economy in general. To feed the demand for jobs the second Great EU migration begins. By 2020, with the project well underway the UK’s economic growth is in triple digits and outstripping that of the rest of the world. By 2030 half of all EU citizens have moved to Britain and, to take advantage of generous in work benefits available only to UK citizens, nearly all have taken British Citizenship.

The project is successfully completed on time and under budget in 2040, the first time ever for a PPI. The ruling plutocracy, now governed by ministers Johnson Jnr, Gove II and Osborn are quick to realise that with fully 50% of Britain outside the Earth’s atmosphere the nation has become both a convenient space elevator and platform for cheap and accessible exploitation of the solar system. The UK soon becomes the global leader in the commercialisation of space. The demand for jobs this stimulates creates the third great EU migration.

By 2050 almost the entire European population is living in British Virgin Island One and, as in the thirties, most have taken British Citizenship in order to access generous in work benefits. The British population is now just shy of one billion, the population of the rest of the EU is exactly one thousand. The European Parliament unanimously votes to leave the EU and become British.

Over the next hundred years Europe, free of human influence, reverts to wilderness. The majority of the rest of the world has moved to the UK and taken British citizenship. Following the recently completed Queen Elizabeth II Dyson Ring, the population is put to work building a Ring World. With a 3million kilometre diameter, a billion square kilometres of living area and access to effectively unlimited solar power, immigration has long since ceased to be an issue for the forty billion British citizens who make up 99.99% of the human race.

About richardjostler

Data Scientist working at Rothamsted Research
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